Discipline can be your friend

Drill sergeants. Stiff British types. Strict nannies. These are images that you might have when you think of the word 'discipline.' It doesn't exactly have a good reputation, and that's probably why I avoided it until I was twice your age.

But then, one day, I made discipline work for me. It wasn't a drill sergeant's discipline, or a nagging parental discipline "Put your clothes away or no cookies for you!" No, it was my own discipline. One I made myself.

Ninjas: Cool and Disciplined

I'm here in Los Angeles pursuing big dreams. There's no way to do that without some discipline. To be a leading man, I have to be in great shape. I trained almost as much as an athlete would, 6 days a week for at least an hour at a time. I didn't always feel like it, but I made myself do it because there is something I want. I have written two books, nine movies, and completed a master's degree. These are things that you can only do by having patience and discipline. Big things. But you can do them, and the secret is discipline, but also faith.

Why do you need faith? Because every day when you take that tiny step toward the finish, you don't seem closer to your goal. When you exercise one time, you don't suddenly look fantastic. When you write five pages, you don't suddenly have a book. When you finish one class, you have only a tiny part of your degree. So, you have to believe. You believe that if you keep working, doing just your little bit every day, one day you will wake up and be at your goal. Another part of the secret is to enjoy what you are doing. Don't keep thinking about the finished product. Enjoy what you are doing. In my case, I enjoyed the exercise, the writing, the classes. I also took them day by day. Just do a day's work on them, every day.

Remember, going toward every goal, there will be setbacks. Part of discipline is accepting that, and moving on. As I usually say to myself, you get knocked off, you just get up and get back on that horse. (Yes, I know, I don't really have a horse.) Sometimes I might get sick, or a crisis might interrupt my goal. But after it has passed, you just get back on going. Keep going, never stop. 

Discipline will serve you well. If you can make yourself do things your body or your mind don't really want to do, but you know in your heart you want to do, then you will have learned the good kind of discipline, your discipline that you made yourself, not one that some stiff drill sergeant beat into you. Make your own discipline, and make your own dreams come true.

Enjoy the Small Things

You know, it's weird. No matter how much we have, we always seem to want more. You ever hear of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? It's some complicated triangle thing. Well, I guess it's not too complicated, I mean, it's just a triangle right? Anyway, so on the bottom are all the things we need for basic life. Stuff like, food, water, shelter, and Frogger.

Maslow's Triangle of Stuff

Some people are stuck on the bottom of the triangle; every day they are just trying to get food and find a place to sleep. Maybe they are also taking care of kids. They don't have the time to think about stuff higher up in the triangle. Stuff like friendship, self-esteem, and candy bars. I mean, when you are just struggling to survive every day, you don't have time to worry about the meaning of your life, or what kind of candy bar you will get. Every day is a fight to stay alive. But if you do have those things, and have a job and a place to live, then you want more, higher up in the triangle. Then you want friends and stuff. Even love.

The point is, no matter where you are in the triangle, there's usually stuff above you that you still want. And when that happens, you spend a lot of time thinking about it. But then you don't think about what you already have. You and me, we aren't like those people I mentioned. We have food and a place to live. We might think our life sucks, but think how it must suck to be them! Some of these people don't even have their own place to poop!

Yeah, think about that for a second. Or at least, the next time you go to the bathroom. You can even appreciate having a toilet. Now, I know that you and I probably do appreciate small things sometimes, I think we are that kind of people. We can have fun without lots of money, or things. We are creative types. But even then, sometimes we get stuck thinking about what we want and what we don't have. Well, next time that happens, just find something small that makes you happy. Every day, look around, find one little thing that makes you happy. For me, it's my friends, Speed Racer, having a soda (or a donut!), the trees and sky, the stars, music, how much I love music! Remember the things that you like and really enjoy them. Who cares what you don't have? You can run and sing and laugh and do lots of things. Enjoy every single day, because in all those small things, you have riches beyond compare.

Cut people off

Sometimes in life, there are things that don't bring anything good to you. They are just there, taking up space, or worse; causing problems. These are the type of things you should get rid of. Sometimes, people are like this too.

Now look, I don't want you to suddenly become all cold and calculating and some kind of loner (though it looks cool in movies, it's not that much fun.) I'm just saying that sometimes, it is definitely the right thing to do to stop talking to someone, and even avoid their presence altogether.

Here's an example. I had a friend I met about ten years ago. She was really cool, and we had a lot of fun. But she had this crazy temper. She would just lose it sometimes and start cussing me out over the most ridiculous things. One time she even was screaming at me at a table in a restaurant while we were out with friends. So, every time this would happen, we'd both be mad for a while then she'd apologize and be all sorry and want to be friends again. So, I let it go.

Eventually, this became a regular thing. I got to the point where I would stop talking to her for a while, but then weeks later she'd show back up and want to be friends again. She'd be all nice and stuff, and I'd think, okay, fine. Then she would do it again. It was really stressful and uncomfortable and eventually I realized, even though she was cool, the bad stuff was not worth it. So I told her that was it, and now she still tries to come back (years later!) and I have to remind myself how bad she can get. I am happier and, most importantly, less stressed out without her.

This can happen with relationships too, I mean, the dating kind. A girl I know dating this guy, who was wonderful, and sweet, and did all these things she liked; but if he did not get his way about something, he would totally freak out and call her names and make her feel guilty and basically be horrible to her. I said, look, that is unacceptable behavior! And she would say, "Yes but besides that he is so nice and everything I want..." Well, that's just like saying, "Man, this food is so tasty and great, I love to eat it! I don't mind that there is poison in it!"

Some people are just poisonous. Sure, the poison might taste sweet, but you still will get sick. So, I know what you are thinking: "This entry is already too long Uncle Steve, I'm being distracted by various shiny objects." But I want to tell you one more thing: you have to be tough when you cut people off. Once you have realized they need to go, you shouldn't let them beg their way back in. Be tough. Say no. Make a clean ending.

Develop a Strong Mind

High School is a very emotional time for a person in America. You are just starting to learn critical thinking and analysis of situations, beginning your "training" to become an independent adult, and at the same time your body is going through the changes of adolescence. So, not only do you have to deal with new challenges and responsibilities; you have raging hormones making your emotions that much stronger and capricious.

So, what do you do? Well, you could start doing what I only learned to do after I turned 30: control your mind. I imagine that 99% of people let their mind control them, instead of controlling it. They let their mind do all kinds of horrible things to them; they relive bad past experiences, and even live through imagined terrible future possibilities that are not even going to happen! The mind can focus on bad things in life, or perceived problems with oneself and torture a person. I remember some days in school I would be so worried about a ZIT on my face that I would hardly be aware of anything else! This was basically my mind torturing me. If someone had asked me, "What would you like to do today?" my answer would NOT be: "Worry about a stupid pimple and not have any fun at all."

That really is the key. When you become aware of what you are thinking you can take a moment and say, "Hey, do I want to be thinking this?" The same thing is true for emotions. If you feel sad, angry, or generally unhappy you can stop and say, "Do I want to feel miserable?" Usually (I would hope) the answer is "no." Who wants to go through a whole day feeling miserable because your mind keeps thinking about something meaningless and dumb, or because your random emotional condition of the day is troubling you because of hormones or something you ate last night?

So, all right, being aware is the first step. Once you realize you are thinking or feeling something, and you realize you don't like it, then the next step is to change it. This is the power to feel happy, to enjoy life, to overcome situations. This is a great skill that, as I said, most people don't have. If you practice it and develop it, you will be able to be happy and at peace through difficult times where other people are stuck being a slave to their thoughts and feelings. So, how do you do it? First I am going to make a simple list of steps, and then go into details.

1. Be aware of your thoughts.
2. Decide you want to change them.
3. Learn to calm and relax your mind and body.
4. Replace your thoughts and feelings with something else peaceful and pleasant.

I've already talked about steps 1 and 2. Try to be aware of what you think and feel during the day. If you feel unhappy, uncomfortable, weird, or anything else you don't like, then you can start to change it. You first say to yourself, "Do I want to feel bad? No, I don't." Be confident and sure about this. Then you decide, "Okay, then I will stop." After that, we go to step 3, relaxing. This can be as simple as taking a deep breath and counting to ten. But I will give you a stronger, deeper, yet simple relaxation exercise.

Peaceful Breathing

Find a comfortable position to sit, where you can relax most of your body. (Sometimes this may be difficult depending on where you are, just do your best.) Take control of your breathing. Make sure you breathe in and out very deeply and slowly. You want to breathe deep into your lower abdomen; feel the air going into your lower stomach, just below your bellybutton. It helps if you put a hand on that location and feel your stomach "inflate" as the air goes in. When you breathe, feel the air moving in and out of your nose; concentrate on that feeling. Now, to make it even deeper, count to 5 as you breathe in (in your mind of course) and then breathe out to a 5 count also. You can do this for as little as one minute or as long as twenty, if you want to. When you concentrate on the breathing and counting, it occupies your mind so it doesn't run around thinking all kinds of crazy, nervous, or unhappy thoughts.

This should put you into a more peaceful state. The more you practice this, the better you will get! Now, once you feel more peaceful, you replace the thoughts you don't want with good ones. Think of all of the good things in your life, think of fun things you want to do, think of how you love your friends and loved ones in your life, think of a pet, or a funny video. Think thoughts about the future, good thoughts. About doing well on your tests, about having a fun summer, about finding the job of your dreams. Fill yourself with happy things that you have in the present, and happy thoughts of your future. Those are things worth thinking of. In fact, the Bible even says the same thing!

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
- Philippians 4:4-8

If you do these simple things, you will learn to control your mind, and make it do what YOU want, instead of what it wants to do. It takes practice, you have to keep working at it to get better, but let me tell you, if you learn this, you will have much peace and power in your life.
 
Also I do want to note that there are times when it is perfectly normal and even good to feel sad. If you lose a pet or watch a sad movie or... all kinds of things. I think the beauty of life is accentuated by sadness. We must all feel sad at times to truly know what it is to be happy. So, when there is a time when it is right to feel sad, feel it with all you've got! But if your mind is dragging you through the trials of the past or the fears of the future, take control and be at peace.

Be aware of your body!

I know, that is probably a weird headline, but this is another one of those lessons I learned by going through lots and lots of pain. 

You see, when I was a teen, even in my early twenties, I had a strong, healthy body. Well, not really, I got sick a lot. But besides that, I basically just abused my body because no matter what I did to it, the very next day, I felt fine. It was like magic. But you see, one day I woke up the next day, and I wasn't fine. Oh no, I was far, far from fine. Fine was not even in the same zip code as me.

What I had done, for years, was hunch over my computer with terrible posture. I sat in a cheap wooden chair, with no back support. I was playing a video game, which I played every night until 2am. I was in college and I had class at 11 am the next morning, so it was ok that I was up until 2am, by the way. So, anyway, there I was, all hunched over, bad posture, typing away. And my back started burning with pain. But that didn't matter because 1) I was playing a game and 2) I was invincible. 

The next morning I woke up and I couldn't move. Well, I mean, I could move my eyeballs and stuff like that, but most of my body hurt too badly to move. This was the end of my invincibility. It took me years to get over that injury, and it was caused simply by my own ignorance of what I was doing to my body.

So, this is my incredibly wise advice. Pay attention to yourself. You should study how you walk, how you move, how you stand. Why? Because eventually, if you don't notice these things, they can cause you trouble. So, ok, how do you do this?

First! Stand in front of a mirror and stand the way you normally stand. Are your shoulders even? Are your feet turned out? You definitely want to be symmetrical. One thing I just found out last year is that I tense my shoulders and move them forward; it was pulling my back muscles and causing me some pain there. Your shoulders should be back and down, relaxed.

Second! Think of how you walk. Your feet should point straight ahead. If you walk with your feet pointed in or out, or one pointed the wrong way, it will eventually cause your muscles to turn your leg permanently that way! Oh yeah, and girls who walk with their feet all pointed out look like a duck. I know this (not about the duck, about the muscles), because my right leg is rotated slightly outward because I walked with my right foot pointed out for years. And now, if I run for a long time, my right knee hurts. I've actually managed to turn it back a little bit by concentrating on my walking and point my feet straight every time I walk.

Third! Do you like exclamation points? Anyway. One of the things that can happen is if you carry a backpack on one shoulder, you can twist your back and shoulders all up. Or if it's too heavy you end up leaning too far forward and stressing your lower back. So, start to take notice of the things you do every day. Be aware of yourself. Are you sore? Do you feel uncomfortable? Out of balance?

Fourth! Check yourself out! I know, it probably sounds weird. But know your body. Look at your feet, your hands. Know the moles on your body, your muscles, your bones. Look at your eyes, get to know them. Check all of yourself. It's important because if you know yourself you will be able to notice any changes. Now don't be obsessive about it or anything, just keep track of yourself. Learn to be aware of your body and how you do things, and you'll be able to notice things before they become bad things, like they did with me.

High School Love Doesn't Last

This is probably one of the most important pieces of advice I can give you, and also the one that I think is least likely that you will follow. That is unfortunate, but I remember being back in high school and how strong and nearly out of control my emotions were, so I understand if you aren't able to follow this bit of direction. However, if you do, I believe that you will be remarkably happier than I was back in those days.

This is the real truth of it, plain and simple: in high school, you are still becoming an adult, still growing into who you are and you will change a lot. The person you "fall in love" with also is changing, and even as soon as one year from now, you both may be completely different people. What you think you want today may not even be close to what you want tomorrow, and when you are with someone, the same is true for them. So there's the chance that both of you won't want the same thing at some point.

Yet, during this time, you'll have all these crazy feelings. You'll bond, you'll think that it is "true love." That will override any thoughts you might have about the person such as, "We don't really like the same things," or "We sometimes don't get along", or "This person smells kind of funky." You won't notice because your heart will drown out your head. The heart will be screaming "I love him I love him I love him!" and you can't hear your head quitely saying, "He's kind of a jerk."

Even if he is the greatest guy in the world, the fact is, people who date in high school almost never get married. Pretty much, it's going to end. And all those days and nights you spend sulking and worried could have been much better spent playing video games. Seriously.

I really, really, really wish someone had told me, when I was in high school: "Look, just forget about girls for now. You'll just be upset and angry and confused and anything that happens won't last anyway." I could have saved myself so much time and anguish... instead I spent days and nights pining over girls I couldn't have, who turned me down, who broke up with me, who didn't like me... I wrote poems and even songs. That was nice and all, but it wasn't realistic or practical. It was just a waste of time. In fact, it made me unhappy a lot.

That's really the main reason I'm telling you this. I don't want you to be unhappy a lot like I was. I would have been so much happier in school if I had just forgotten about girls totally, and had fun with my friends. I could have had more time to smile, laugh, do fun things and learn new skills. Or, as I said, play video games.

One time I got really stupid over a girl. I thought it was "true love." Her name was Jennifer. I thought we were perfect together... she was #1 in the class in our school, pretty, and liked to do things I did. We dated for a month, and we even kissed. (Oh my gosh!) Then, a month later, she dumped me to go back to her last boyfriend (because she was still "in love" with him.) This is the stupid part: I then got so upset about losing my "one true love" that I tried to kill myself. Sort of. I don't think I was really serious about it but I did give it some consideration. All for some silly high school girl that I'd only been with for one month. Seriously, how dumb is that?

I'm not saying you should never have a boyfriend during high school, but if you do, don't take it that seriously. Also, the more you do things, like kiss and touch, the more you will feel attached, and the louder your heart will scream stuff like "I LOVE HIM OMG I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH!" Even though your brain knows its just because you got emotionally close from touching.

People really don't grow into who they are until they are at least 20, I have found. It's just my opinion from my personal experience, but I found out when I married a 19 year old, who, by 22, really didn't want the life I offered any more. That was a hard lesson too. So I'd like to spare you pain, breakups, maybe even a divorce like I had. Those hurt.

The point is: enjoy your friends, learn some things, have lots of fun, reach for your goals in life... don't get romantically involved in high school when your heart is young and your emotions make you crazy and out of control. I know it may be hard to overcome the screaming of your heart, but try to listen to your head sometimes too, and remember what Uncle Steve said.

Hang on No Matter What!

It is interesting to think about it, but sometimes I realize your life is a lot like mine except all the really tough things that happened to me started when I was 13, but yours so far all happened up to 13. I've been through divorce and death, living all over the place, hard times in school, broken hearts, crazy health problems, money problems, a lot of tough things.

We are very similar. There are times when I've been, as they say, at the end of my rope. Things were so bad and I wanted them to get better and they weren't going to; at least, not that minute. Sometimes at a certain moment things seem so bad we want to give up. I have been there more than once, I promise you. This is what I've learned about those times: hold on and you will make it through.

One time I remember I was sick and in pain for three days straight and I just wanted it to be over. I had food poisoning. One time after throwing up I passed out on the bathroom floor, exhausted. Sometimes I've been sick for months at a time, with no relief. I've wanted it to end so badly, there seemed no escape. But I learned a few things. The first: just take one day at a time. Hold on for just one more day. Don't think about how long it's been or how long it will take. Just one day; anyone can do that.

Also I've been through a lot of mental strain before, people dying, other people doing horrible things to me; betrayal, attacks, anger. Feeling lost and alone. Some times I've felt tempted to give in and let go of my mind; just go crazy or whatever and lose control, have a breakdown. But every time I've felt in my head I've had an option. I could choose to hold on or let go. So far, every time I've held on, no matter how bad it was. I think that when it does come down to it, there's that little voice in your head, speaking sanity, calmness, reality. Hold on to that, know that you can hold on, you can make it. No matter how awful you feel. Don't give in and do something crazy or stupid or lose control. Take a deep breath, and just fight through it.

Many times I've been sick or hurt, just lying in bed, unable to do much, feeling awful. But I've been around long enough to know it will pass. If you are going through a tough time mentally or emotionally, remember, also it will pass. You won't be in that feeling forever. Time goes by, day after day, and things change. Hurts heal, bad things bother you less over time, you move on.

I definitely wish I had thought of these things when I was your age, so I hope this helps. Another thing that has helped me is praying and knowing God is there. I believe he has given me strength to hang on when I have not had any. Of course, friends and family are there too. Never, ever be afraid to ask for help when you need it (this is probably a whole different entry for later!) I'm here for you, you can tell me anything, and I'll help you in any way I can. Remember that.