Not Caring What People Think

Dear Devin,

This is my first entry of what hopefully will be many for you, I really hope it will be helpful to you.

"Look at that girl with hairy legs!" someone said to me as I walked down the street downtown. In high school, I was sort of a metal-head, renaissance loving geek, so I had long hair, kind of like Keith Partridge. I'm sorry you had to see that picture, but there it is: David Cassidy in all his glory from the Partridge Family.

One time in high school, someone took a wad of gum and threw it into my long locks on purpose, just ... well who knows why they did it? I got angry and ripped it out right there, along with a big chunk of my hair.

Not everyone liked me in high school, and I accepted that to a certain level. I knew I was weird, kind of a freak. You probably feel a bit of the same way, and you tell yourself you don't care what those other people think. But I know, at least a little bit, that you do. I did, back then.

The truth is this, there are only two people in the entire world whose opinions really matter: yours and God's. (Of course, when you are growing up, you should also listen to those who are caring for you.) It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says about you. I used to worry so much about what those other kids thought, even people I didn't know! I was a slave to worry. Every day I worried if they would hate me, or do something bad to me, or reject me. I worried about strangers, but also people I knew. If I thought someone was "cool" I really, really wanted them to like me. I would try to be "cool" around them. And of course, if I liked a girl, well, then I really worried about that all the time. Every day, high school was like a show I had to put on so I'd get people to like me, or at least, not to hate me. And I didn't even realize I was doing it!

You may be thinking, "Well that's nice Uncle Steve, but I'm not like that." Well, I've learned that almost everyone is like that, to some extent. Maybe you aren't like that as much as me. But back to what I was saying, here's something to think about those high school people.

* The Strangers: They might do bad things to you whether you worry about it or not. In fact, you worrying about it won't change anything. If you don't know them, just don't give them any thought at all unless you want to know them.

* The Bad Ones: Worrying also won't change if they do bad things or not. But if they are mean to you or do you wrong, they are not worth your time or even your thoughts. Don't waste your precious thoughts and feelings on people who don't deserve it. Just forget about them. (Unless they are doing something unacceptable, then tell an adult, of course.) The way to be free of bad people is make them worth nothing in your life, then they will have no power over you.

* The Friends: True friends will like you the way you are. You shouldn't have to try to "be cool" for anyone. If there's someone that would only like you if you act a certain way, then they are not worth being friends with.

* The Crushes: Ok, so you have a crush on someone. The truth is, they will either like you, or they won't. If they don't like you, then you should also forget about it. Don't waste feelings on someone who does not return them, your feelings are precious, as well as your thoughts and time, don't waste them on someone who does not value you in return.

I spent so much time worrying about people and trying to be cool that I missed out on a lot of fun that I could have been having if I just ignored that stuff. I don't know if you realize this, but most of the things that happen in high school won't be major events in your life. When you finish, and become fully adult, and go to college or work, or whatever you do, you won't sit around thinking about high school; you'll be thinking about your new adult life and all the options you have. High school is new, and big, and scary, but remember it's only a small part of the picture in your life; you will move on from it. It's just a stage. Try to enjoy it as much as you can, and don't let anyone take away that joy. Find true friends who accept you for who you are, and don't even waste time on those who don't care, don't understand, or who just don't like you. Just do your thing, be yourself as much as you can, be the real you and don't give a crap at all about what anyone else might say. People will actually respect you for that.

Just one more thing: keep an open mind, you may find a new friend in someone you never would expect, so talk to other kids that you don't know. There are other kids like you in high school that are cool, and good, and those are the valuable ones you should know.